Springtime in Hillbillyland

Well. It's almost springtime and the hillbillies are stirring.
For the government subsidized hillbilly, who has spent most of the cold winter cooped inside his Section-8 shacks fornicating and getting drunk (not necessarily in that order), this is a great time to be alive.
If you had a beautiful spring day off, I'm sure you would find a hobby or indulge your current hobbies; not so, for the hillbilly, who has all day, every day off.
No, the hillbilly just can't seem to make it off the porch. It is as if an invisible force field of laziness has restrained the hillbilly to his porch or stoop, like a leash on a dog. This is one reason why the hillbilly's porch is so cluttered. They really wanted to throw those broken toys away... they just couldn't... seem... to... make... it... off... the... porch.
You'll see the early hillbilly riser on his stoop when you go to work. His mind feverishly at working at solving the great mystery of the day--how to buy a pack of cigarettes without expending any energy.
When you come home from work, the hillbillies are out in full force, the only thing missing is the poor special needs banjo boy from Deliverance. (He wouldn't even be seen with government subsidized hillbillies.)
Just think, you probably spent an hour a day working so that these hillbillies could enjoy this carefree lifestyle.
I think every hillbilly should be forced to stretch a banner across the front of his or her porch that reads, "Thank you, American worker."
Although, it would probably take no time for the hillbilly to hide the banner behind broken bicycle parts, ash trays, tattered Halloween decorations, and a film of tobacco spit.