An Open Letter to the Government of Mexico and its People

To the representatives and leaders of the Mexican government and its citizens,

It is of no surprise that immigration, both illegal and legal, is the cause of growing concern for Americans. Indeed, this issue threatens to mar the peace and friendship that has existed between our country for nearly two centuries. It also disrupts the prosperity of both nations.
I propose that there are creative solutions to solve this problem in a fair and equitable manner.
Here is what I would like to place on the table for consideration:
I am suggesting not an immigration program, but, an exchange program.
For every illegal Mexican arrested in America, we will allow these former Mexican citizens to remain in the country and work toward full citizenship and all its rights and responsibilities.
In exchange, you will accept 10 hillbillies per each illegal immigrant.
We believe this adequately compensates us for accommodating your citizens. It could be argued that while most immigrants in this country go on to earn wages and lead productive lives, the same can not be said of the hillbilly.
To this, I would argue that no conclusive studies on the hillbilly behavior in southern climes have been concluded. Could it not be that, like your Mexican jumping bean, the hillbilly becomes active when warm?
Perhaps in your environment of warm nights, long siestas, and a flatulent-inducing, bean-filled diet, the hillbilly may not live, but thrive!
Also, consider that the hillbilly is a mass consumer of hard liquors. Your legal tequila industry may displace your illegal drug trade as the engine of your economy! Your trade schools featuring small engine maintenance will flourish!
Finally, if these emigres are removed from their normal breeding practices--farm animals and close relations--they may choose to breed in a socially beneficial manner. Not taking odds on this one, though.
We eagerly await your reply,

Yours truly,
Smartacus