Old as the Hillbillies

I went shopping in hillbilly land today.... scary stuff.
The hillbilly was out in all his and her ragged glory.
One observation: the hillbilly does not age gracefully. It seems hillbillies age rather like you and me until about age 14; then, they turn 92. For the female hillbilly, the transformation is quite dramatic--wrinkles appear like a relief map on their face, their hair gets stringy and greasy, and their bodies well up like parade balloons.
When an old hillbilly woman appears, normal children scatter in front of her.
Perhaps this ability to scare children is abhorrent to the Hillbilly male; a full 68 percent of hillbilly males decide to look like Santa Claus as the age. They let their hair and food-embedded beards turn white (although the premature grey could come from looking at their women all the time). Then, they add bib overalls and a camouflage baseball cap to the ensemble to complete the hillbilly Santa Claus look.
The old hillbilly man seems to relish this Santa status and the approving smiles he gets from normal folks. It's as if, for one time in his life, he has received some shred of acceptance from society at large.
I am not sure whether we as a society should embrace this transformation. The Santa billy does seem more mellow than other hillbillies; but, until we can get evidence that the Santa billy showers regularly and is off government assistance, it's still important for parents to train their children to know and despise the hillbilly in all his and her manifestations.