Friday, February 20, 2009

Stuff Hillbillies Like: Date Night Sweaters and Baseball Hats


Tim Gunn on the lookout for Hillbilly fashion trends.

With Valentine's Day just over, it was interesting to see the hillbilly male in a dating capacity.

It's the one day of the year where hillbilly women force their men into a romantic encounter that doesn't include a six-pack of beer and the back of a four-wheel drive vehicle that just happened to be unlocked in the parking lot of the local bar or tavern.

In order for this to be considered a date, the hillbilly male must dress to the nines, or in his case, the four-and-a-halfs.

Hillbilly date night ensemble includes:
  1. Blue jeans
  2. Sweater, sleeves pushed back
  3. Baseball hat

The sweater says, "I'm semi-formal."

The baseball hat says, "Oh, no, you're not."

The blue jeans say, "I think you're both idiots."

(There are variations. For instance, the Southern hillbilly may nonchalantly stack his mirrored-wrap-around sunglasses on the brim of his baseball cap. Tres chic, no?)

Once properly attired, the hillbilly couple travels to a chain restaurant, like Red Lobster, Olive Garden, or, for those who are just embarking on a non-committal date night, Wendy's. Primed by consuming cheap beers and wine coolers in the parking lot, the couple hits the restaurant with romantic gusto once reserved for sailors being met on the docks by wives, girlfriends, and seaside sex industry workers.

The hillbilly couple enjoys the expanded fair of the chain restaurant and the added attention their open-mouth kissing earns from families and non-hillbilly couples.

Where the hillbilly goes out on a date is uncertain. However, the rest of the date will conclude with the following:
  • Illegitimate birth
  • Substance-abused fueled fight
  • PFA

Not necessarily in that order.

2 comments:

Michelle said...

Oh my God, I happen upon you by mistake. I, too, am writing about hillbillies, so I just did a casual search on hillbillies and your blog came up. Your stuff is funny! You write about stuff I would never think of! I just started mine a few days ago, but mine will be based on my real experiences. I'm curious, what made you dedicate a blog to hillbillies? :) Maria
http://HilbillyHaven.blogspot.com

Me said...

Hi Maria--
My work is the result of a year or so spent watching hillbillies destroy a little community I lived in.