The Top Ten Ways Hillbillies Celebrate the Holidays

The holidays are truly for the hillbilly.
How does the hillbilly and his kin celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, the prince of peace?
Well, according to recent local and regional news reports, here are the top ten ways the hillbilly celebrates the holidays:

1. Engaging in extreme forms of domestic abuse.
2. Engaging in extreme forms of inner-family relations, i.e. inbreeding.
3. Breeding with farm animals. (This is why churches never let a hillbilly near the live nativity.)
4. Drinking heavily
5. Drinking heavily, then driving the "lead car" in high speed chases.
6. Robbing oxycontin from pharmacies.
7. Robbing oxycontin from pharmacies that they then sell to produce meth.
8. Stealing their children's presents, selling the goods on eBay, then buying oxycontin and meth
9. Dressing like Santa, since no one can pull off the obese, unshaven look like the hillbilly.
10. Preparing for New Year's Eve by testing their tolerance of alcohol poisoning.

Here's to a new year without a hillbilly encounter!
Smartacus